Am I Being Punk'd?

The other day I decided to take my lovelies to the park. It was so nice outside but still a little chill in the air so we didn't stay very long. I should have taken notice of my son before we left the house but I had cabin fever so bad.
As we left the park, I decided to go grocery shopping. All was well while shopping until it was time to check out. One of our favorite cashiers was there and she offered to help me out with the groceries. I usually decline but for some reason I accepted her offer and that's when all "hell" broke loose. My son immediately became discontent with everything. He didn't want to ride in the little car, sit in the cart, walk, and he was definitely not loving the fact that I picked him up without his permission. The more I walked, the louder he screamed. At that point my mind just shut off. It must have short circuited from all the mini conversations I was having about this behavior! Meanwhile, the poor cashier lady was trying to maneuver the cart with the mother load of groceries and three little giggling girls around her. The poor lady almost took out two innocent bystanders. They gave her a dirty look but when they saw me carrying the screaming man child, their frowns turned upside down!

We finally made it to the van and I had to ask the cashier lady to load the groceries in the van (back door is jammed). By this time my son was straight as a board and would not sit down in his seat. After she was done, I thanked her tremendously and attempted to get my son in his seat. His screaming went to the next level where he would fool you that he settled down and then out of nowhere yell with such intensity that it made my youngest daughter cry. The next 15 minutes were grueling and by the grace of God we made it home safely. I asked for an apology from him and as he said he was sorry all was well with the world again.

I couldn't believe what had just happened. It was like a slow motion nightmare. And miraculously I didn't loose it, snap, or yell! I just broke down and cried because I knew that it had nothing to do with me. I felt so ashamed of my child's behavior but at the same time I was sorrowful because I couldn't do anything to calm him down. My emotions were screaming at me to scream at him and make him be quiet. But all I could do was tenderly touch him and calmly talk to him. My brain was heckling my heart and hurling insults and threats. But somehow through all the chaos, God was showing me that I am capable of compassion and a nurturing nature. I've always struggled with such emotions because they don't come naturally to me. And I realized that that is exactly what God does to me whenever I have a tantrum. He holds me, comforts me, and when I'm ready He gives me an opportunity to redeem myself. I was learning an important life lesson and all the while I thought I was being Punk'd!